I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
