I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Someone came in the potted fern
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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