wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
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i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
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Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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