everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
only if we run a train.
done.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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