guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
