You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
