2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
