I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
