Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my phone needs a breathalizer
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
