just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize