No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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