saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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