JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
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LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
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He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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