"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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