Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
