he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
