Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
