omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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