You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
It's Friday. Sex?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
