she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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