Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
