Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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