You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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