Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
