She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
