Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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