Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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