I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
