i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
