it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
