She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
