I hate your face
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
