I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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