She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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