I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
