I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
