no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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