He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
