Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
