the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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