carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
