she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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