I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
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we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
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Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How many fucks given?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.