You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10