hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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