Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
