I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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