Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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