youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
