FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
