Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
