Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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