i wish there were pregnant emoticons
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
