So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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