my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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