You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
