if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
