I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
