my mouth tastes like poor choices
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
