You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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