chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
