I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
