If that was your dad, he is hot
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Floor bacon is actually really good
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