dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
