She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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