New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Four minutes until I can fart!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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