dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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