I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
