is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
