it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
