We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
