my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The uberlube is also flammable
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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