Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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