I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Houston, we have a squirter
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
