There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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