Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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