He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
