drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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